I’ve been thinking a lot about the word reset. Reset buttons are quite wonderful. When one has royally stuffed up, or something isn’t working properly, you can simply hit the button and start over with a clean slate. Of course, the downside is that some things can get lost. This could be lost words, lost files, or sometimes an entire cache of memories goes poof when the photo library mysteriously disappears. That kind of reset can be devastating, but, as I have learned from personal experience, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the world.
The reset I am pondering, however, is one that resets a course of action. A reset of life, as it were. I’ve spent a good deal of time over the past year working on breaking out of a twenty-odd year pattern. This pattern involved me always looking for validation in the acceptance and admiration of others. This informed not only my personal and professional relationships, but also formed the foundation of many of the decisions that I made….or rather, the decisions I didn’t make. Despite being someone who has always had a ‘can do’ attitude, there were times where I did not take a chance because of the fear that the people I admire(d) would not approve.
Over the years, there were other moments where I wanted to change course completely, to smash RESET, but I didn’t. I stayed the course that I was on waiting for the inevitable collapse. At least then, when the crash came, it wouldn’t be all my fault. But I have to come to realise that the fact that I knew the end would eventually come, or the situation would become entirely untenable means I was completely complicit in its demise. I had already given up. I just didn’t have the guts to admit it.
Phew, yes, it’s been a quite an intense year of looking inward and owning up to my sins and feeling the feels. Hence the tiptoeing into this new year on soft carpets and light feet.
However, I am happy to report that it has all been worth it. Now, looking forward to the rest of the year, decade (and my life) I see boundless opportunities and I am raring to go and grab them.
Just this week, I took the big step to give notice at my job. I have to give quite a lot of it, so the next few months will be spent tying up all the ends and transferring all the information to a successor. Then I shall be free to embark on my new path as a freelancer. I have missed freelance life so much that I am very happy to be going back to it, but this time with a much more entrepreneurial spirit than before. More on that to come.
I am also going to be welcoming a new furry friend into my home. No new dog will ever replace dear Luna but the time is right to give a home to a new one. I’m still in the early days of the adoption process at the moment so I don’t want to tempt fate by revealing too much. But soon these walls will be filled with the sounds of a playful pup annoying the cat. Finnegan has made it quite clear that I will have to get a second donut bed, though, as he is not giving up his (which used to be Luna’s, but try telling him that).
There are many more plans and ideas and projects in the works – too many to list here all at once. But these two first big steps mark the beginning of an exciting new journey for me. It also occurs to me that I am coming up on the first year anniversary of starting this blog. I didn’t quite manage to make those 100 days of blogging, but I certainly plan on continuing to write about my new adventures here and sharing with you the ups and downs and swings and roundabouts. I hope you will join me 🙂